A French in Glasgow. Party 2/3

Amazing, i know the host. I actually enjoy the company of this last one, I could easily tolerate a conversation with him. I give him a hug while smiling as I turn off my phone discreetly. I do one step in but I’m still looking at him. Important to say that I didn’t say a word, I only used my facial expressions and eyes to make him understand how I feel. It’s a very good thing to do that could take you far because for some reason, when doing this, it creates some kind of trust between two person as if you just signed a pact of brotherhood.
The person will be convinced that he “gets” you.

So, I’m giving him a frown of the eyebrows and point to him with my eyes the ones behind me, making him understand that they’re heavily annoying a bit like this facebook friend that like all your photos when you wish the pretty brunette would do it (I’m talking for your case here dear reader, the brunette do like my photos).
I walk in as if I’m suddenly in a hurry, because I am; I’m going as far away as possible from the main door, the best is always the toilet because you can lock the door, so when the host is telling them:” Sorry, I don’t know you, you can’t come in.” and that they’re shouting “YOANN!”. Well, I’m simply not there.
The door is now closed with the loosers outside. My phone is off so they can’t contact me.  Next time I’ll see them I’ll just tell them how upset I was that they decided to go somewhere else without telling me… snifling snifling bouhouing.

My state of mind at this moment is the following one, I plan to be aggressively nice with people, especially the ones that I can take something from. So I put myself in Charming-mode, I came up with a technique that works wonders! Everytime that you talk to someone, change their appearances in your head.  If you’re a visual, change the blond girl into a baldy, if you’re an emotional, change the blond girl into a starving cat, if you’re more of an auditory person, change her delicate voice into a husky-smokey voice.
By doing this, it will make you do a very unique smile that people always react greatly too, you basically look very present, and in the moment.

The action of trying to make your eyes smaller as you smile will also help, it gives what we call the “chinese eyes”, it’s a very reassuring gaze.
I notice straight away the people that interest me but before I go talk to them, unfortunately, one of the rules is that you will always go please the ladies first in the party, by please I don’t mean anything sexual - yet, but let’s say that if they congratulate you by clapping their hands, guys will then follow, even if the heart isn’t there. You might get some resistance sometimes, but I usually just ignore those ones.
I also have another great skill which is being able to smell when girls have their periods, very handy for a dandy in a party.

I start making up a story to a girl saying that once I was walking on the street, I stopped to light a fag, then a kid saw me, stared at me for a long time and asked his mum if I was God.
 She knows I’m talking shit, and I know it as well of course, but she thinks that I think that she believes me, but I know that she doesn’t. She thinks she’s the smart one, but I’m simply laughing out loud inside myself. Don’t you find it hilarious? It’s euphoric for me, I like to compare it to the tender moment that is when you kiss the neck of a girl for the first time, that you’ve been stalking for 2 months before, or also similar to a massive punch in the face.
It’s important to play on your image, use gimmicks, because if you don’t create them, people will create them for you and you don’t want that. If people are able to do a caricature of you in a second, that means you’ve got a strong visual image, well done. Only a sad fucker would underestimate this fact.
Even Jean Cocteau said: “Ce que le public te reproche, cultive le c’est toi.” I’ll let you translate, only the ones who bother deserve to know what it means.
I’ve always played on the fact that I’m French, wearing a stripy t-shirt, smoking strong cigarettes, shouting “Merde!” every now and again to remind people how lucky they are to be in the presence of a true French.
 Being arrogant, passionate,  unpredictable, having a greasy laugh that comes from the throat, being original but serious.
You probably thought I was describing you the typical behavior of a French. No. I was simply giving you some characteristics that one can have. Because this is my problem, in a party, whatever I will do people will tell me how French I am.
Action of laughing – “Hahaha! You’re so French! Baguette!”
Action of putting my finger in my nose – “Hahaha! You’re so French! You like snails?”
Action of talking to a girl –“ Hahaha! You’re so French! Frog’s legs?”
Action of being moody – “Hahaha! You’re so French! I only know the cheese cheddar.”
Action of standing in front of the window looking at the rain – “Hahaha! You’re so French! Bonjour!”
Action of kissing a girl – “Hahaha! SoOOOooOOooOooooo French!!!!! Wanna Fuck?”
Action of kissing a guy – “ Hahaha! You’re so Fr… Oh wait what the fuck was that? Weirdo.”
Once I was actually just being sick in the toilet with my head deep in it, trainspotting-style and I overheard someone walking in, grinning, and closing the door while saying to himself :” So French.” I didn’t know if my tears were here because I was laughing to that or if it was the fact that I was being sick, whatever it was, I liked being in that situation, being miserable is the only time that you’re true to yourself, there’s a feeling of letting it all out, quite literally for sure but metaphorically as well.

Right, let’s get back to the point, I’m in this party, I notice a girl that is let’s face it not sober at all, but  she’s a babe, I start walking toward her…


The amount of views is growing massively every day, it’s surprising, but not really, I knew it would happen. Thanks for reading anyway my love.

Unlike this guy who’s turning bald, so he wears a hat all the time, and compensate with a bit of stuble but don’t get that he should just shave all his head and look suave; who’s saying how incredible dubstep is with his joint in his mouth. He probably wish he had some massive dreadlocks, he would fit in more easily that’s for sure.

Need to get rid of the others… Just keep calm and follow the code.

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